Even LOVE is in Social Context

Two O'clock in the morning.  I know I need to put my words back.  I know I have to write about my life again.  But I have been starting to unlearn how to do this.  Poems cannot feed me,  my stories cannot travel anywhere, and I'm not supposed to be feeling this way again, so helpless, yet 
really happy for reasons I have not fathomed yet.  Is this supposed to explain something which would make any sense?

I have been hell busy the past two months, I had alot of activities and long exams which took me days and nights of restlessness.  I would sleep late like around 3 am just to convince myself that I'd be able to answer any questions in the exam.  I think I have never studied this way before, all my relatives and friends know that I never study hard.  

Damn, this cannot make me happy.  I am in trouble.  I'm making a mess in my life again.  

I AM INLOVE!  I know I am.  When I lay my body in my bed, I could feel its coldness, its emptiness. But my mind is fully awake.  I know I am inlove.  Despite the coldness it gives, my heart creates the warmth of the place, despite the emptiness of this dormitory room, my mind creates mysterious thougths that fill this messy room.  Because I know I can think about love.  

Damn shit.  This destroys me too.  I don't think I know who that someone is.  I don't really have anyone in particular, it just feels too good to be able to know that I can be capable of falling in love, that I am not at all naive.  But I DON'T HAVE ANYONE yet, no, not at this moment.  I can't take risk to someone who can never be with me, it's almost impossible.  

So, I am emptied.  Like a bottle of liquor scattered somewhere in the middle of the night, nobody would care about.  How I wanted, really wanted, to be with someone.  Just to hold my hand, just hug me when I am this tired and sad.  Just to be with someone when I know I need someone.  But my life continous to travel like the way it used to, devoid, naive, departed, alone, sad, and always in denial.

So, here are my current words now.  Helplessly inlove, but still no one to fall with.  I just want to experience it, why would the world be too selfish with me?