Betrayal of Nature

Chimes are dancing in the silence of the night,
so peaceful, so quite.
Glorious cold wind knocking at the door step,
I am tempted to welcome her.
A little rain too generous to offer a serene mind,
I'd like to feel the water outside.
Pale moon, darkness help me connect to my soul,
and try to live thereafter.

Everything is supposed to be cooperative
this is what I've always wanted
(Childhood days never change yet in me)
But then everything is a betrayal
a wicked trap in this disheartened emotion
(as if everything exhausts the same old feelings of yesteryears)

I never have wished to be bothered again with the same thoughts,
but nature is here to betray everything in me....

Pagbabalik

I had been staring at this broken window
numb of everything,
as if denied of a human privilege
to breath the fresh air of an impossible tomorrow.

I walked around for hours,
I was trying to see the people outside,
I was trying to know the reasons of human existence,
but moreso, I was trying to get anyone's attention
(God, was I that unwanted again?),
but nobody seemed to notice this hurting soul.
And so I walked again,
going where the wind would blow,
going to the same cycle of my life,
again,
and again.

There was a little sunshine before i went out,
and now, everywhere seems so dark,
even the nocturnal grasshoppers would be blind at this darkness,
but I couldn't find my way back home,
and it's probably too late to tell the words,
nah, I'll never push for it, it's really ok.

When I'm gone,
everything would be better.
It happened before,
too bad it didn't happen that way.
I'll be going back there,
who knows it would be my last.

sToRm SiGnAl No. 1 and 2 and...

Wandering around the dark busy streets
Hoping to fish a hidden soul in one corner
Pieces of broken bottles scattered in the old asphalt
Yesterday wasn't a happy day
Today's not even going to be one.

And jokes are supposed to tickle my mind
And the memories should have forced even a wry smile on my lips
But things are the same,
Things are always the same,
Why should it always have to be the same.

Storm hasn't passed yet, I suppose....

I'm finally freed from the Church, I still want to be a nun, but I couldn't swallow the system.

I can't blog that much tonight. I'm supposed to be happy, but damn, I am hurting..

See yah next time.

DAMN! Why does everything have to be a lie? Why does everything have to be an illusion?

I grew up with lies, and lived in illlusions. If there's any truth in my existence, I think I have forgotten all those. I'm in my middle age, and still so much bewildered, I wonder if I will have to suffer this way for the years to come.

Am I existing? Am I real? Could anyone tell me the direction to go? Will there be any real person there? I hate cyber! I hate you!

No Way for Enrollment

I'm not frustrated, because I didn't really expect it that much, but I'm definitely hurt. I cried, I had to run to the freedom park so I can hide my tears. I'm so confused, I wanted it so much, I'm losing hope that I can ever go back to studying. If I will push for it, I may not be able to finance anything the next month. I cannot ask mom for any support again, it's too much, Ive wasted enuff. Someday, I may go back there to enroll, I think this isn't my time yet.

Tomorrow, I'll be better. The park made me better. Tomorrow, I can think of better things, and may forget about this illusion. But I think I will regret this day for the rest of my life.