It's really better to just hate him. I'm tired!

'was talking to Mark the other day when he sent me this one poem I shared with him a few years ago (3 years if I'm not mistaken). I usually don't keep much of my poems specially if I just dedicate one to another person. Luckily, he saves most of the poems I share with him, so sometimes he sends me back some, especially if things are not going well between us. I think he knows what I meant here, and he's just goddam scared again to admit it. Ya' know, the "scare me away" line and all that.

Anyway, here's the poem he sent me back.

Today’s Yesterday....

And it is this day that I wake up

Tori Amos loudly disturbing my ears

My eyes are too magnetized for Pablo Neruda

I remember what happened yesterday,

there are empty cans of previously cold drinks,

there are ashes scattered on the floor,

pillows are all around,

I wonder why,

Not an enviable sight for anyone to witness.

A vivid recall of a day that lapsed,

I tried to scream at the top of my lungs,

But I found myself slowly collapsing in this room,

I know I cried so loud last night,

shame on me,

I’m too old for that.

believe me,

I have tried so hard to be as frigid as I can be,

but this restless mind,

this broken heart,

this longing body,

this craziness in me,

All have consented this one action,

Though I’m unable to fathom this so long mystery,

I should welcome you now, my secret dream.

One Afternoon at the Freedom Park

It was a wonderful feeling
A moon partly hidden by this mysterious palm,
A grazed green grass to catch our feet,
And this cold air enveloping the secret of the breeze,
It was fun,
A little taste of it won't be too bad for this melancholia.

Life is going back to hell.  It's goddam hard, if you know what I mean.  It's hard to live when you can't expect life to be better one day.  Right now, I'm dead, so dead I can't hear any sound, nor see any color.  Colors are black, sounds are muted, and this sadness kills me.  
Love stories are so unrealistic, happy endings are not true, at the end of the day you'd be left woendering what the hell's wrong with our lives.  I hate to accept the fact that I'm being left alone now.  

Damn, I'm sick.  And tired.  And bored.  And half crazy, the remaining half is trying to pretend to be still sane.
I want to go somewhere, to a beach where water would be pure, where the air is swaying free, and where Earth is at peace.  I want to capture the sunset with my two disbelieving eyes, and I want to hold the serenity with my two fragile hands, I want to be among the clouds, 
the air, the breath  that people take.  I want to be with someone and free.
I want to just take a break, it's all what I need to complete me for now.

1. What frustrates you most?
- I can do small favors to other people; I can do big for my family and friends. I’m usually a giver, if it’s not so much trouble for me, or even if I have to go thru some troubles if the person’s worth it, I would do it. I seldom ask favor though, that’s why I get to be really frustrated whenever I ask anyone a small favor and they can’t do it for me. I can’t take it; it’s hard for me to accept that some people can’t do the same for me.


2. What’s the craziest thing you have ever done?
- I think I was 12 or 13. May isang napakataba’ng mama na lagi na lang sinasabihan ng lola ko na wag sumakay sa duyan ng little cousin ko kaseh masisira, eh bangag ata ang loko. Anyway, nang minsa’ng topakin ako, kinausap ko yung isa ko pa’ng cousin na mas bata (Jeff) para tulungan ako luwagan ang lubid. So, hayun, ng nakahiga na ang mamaat sarap na sarap sa pagduyan, mga after 5 mins or so, bagsak ang pwet nya sa lupa! Wahaha, hanggang ngayon siguro sinusumpa ako nung mama pag nakita ako hehe. (Di na nga pala sya nakiduyan ulit, hehe:P)

3. What’s the craziest thing that you’ve been dreaming to do?
- I want to travel to different beautiful places in the Philippines. I want to take some videos of them, but since I don’t have the money, I intend to travel thru hitch hiking, that would also be fun. Maybe I can do it for a month, fully traveling by free.
- I also want to know the stories of the beggars, or the street children. But to write their stories I have to feel what they feel. So, maybe I can pretend to be one of them for some weeks.

4. What would you avoid most?
- Some shallow people who know nothing but to defame other people, who is irresponsible, immature and who is so unhappy.

5. What’s your biggest fear?
- I love my family and friends so so much, I get scared whenever I just think that something bad might happen to anyone of them.

6. What upsets you most?
- Un-accomplished tasks, and I hate it when some people are mad. I hate the environment when there’s no unity and when people are upset, too.

7. What would make you happy?
- When my mum’s happy, and when I make people happy, I would be happiest. A laugh of a child is also contagious, I laugh with them.

8. What would settle you down?
- A medium-sized farm and a fishery I own, planting vegetables and some crops, with a simple educated farmer that I can spend my whole life with. I’d be really contented with the set-up