Wanderer of Wonders

If you could sing some lullabyes for me during night and day, and then catch me when I need your arms the most; then perhaps I could visit your dreams till like eternity. Just so i can smell your presence, and please say you'd let me to.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

So, there, I had the surgery. It was exhausting, no, not the physical pain. It was exhausting because for the first time in my life I felt so weak and helpless.
I was aware of almost everything that was happening around me. I could hear my anesthesiologist and my surgeon, and the nurse/s around me, whispering something in the air that my ears could hardly reach. I was not able to catch up everything, some words went too blurred for my mind to see; but I was only sure of one thing: they were talking about "damaging my breast."

Saturday, June 12, 2010

hmmmm. After a few months, I'm now blogging again.
I honestly don't know what to write here. I don't even know why I have to blog again. Just for the sake of updating my blog? No longer would the reason be that I am emotionally broken again? I don't exactly know the answer.

I was actually feeling the need to immediately scribble some few words here. I wanted to write about the almost one month of traveling from Cebu City to Davao City. More than that, I wanted to write about a very good friend Dann, and how wonderful her family is. I wanted to tell her how I've appreciated the days I've stayed with her family, and that FOR THE FIRST TIME as far as my earliest recollection is concern, I HAVE FELT HOW IT WAS TO BE WITH A FAMILY. Maybe her mom, or even Dann, didn't know that the hug her mother gave me made a very great meaning to my life. It was like paying off the more than two decades of almost living alone.

I wanted to write about the path I am traveling now. I wanted to check If I am really ready to stay single till kingdoms collapse, and if I am really contented with the job I am with now. Maybe I am, I was able to buy a parcel of lot, and still enjoying life during rest days. So, maybe I am. Forget about my master's degree from UP, I am happy and contented. In the end, these two matter most in a person's life.

It's June 12. No, I am not going to write about the Philippine Independence day, for now, I shall leave my socio political leanings. It's about my Dad, how everything changed when we lost him 25 years ago. How I am still longing for his love. and how sad I am now that I can barely remember how he looked like when he was alive, the figures that the photos don't show me. I am missing you, daddy.

For some reasons, I felt all the more lazy to blog, or to put it in a more honest word, I am SCARED. Until now, I am scared as hell as to what my upcoming surgery would lead me to. I am not afraid of the physical suffering that I may feel after the surgery, but I am just really scared that this could turn out as a bad lump, and that my mom may not be able to accept this. She had suffered enough when my sister had a heart problem, I cannot give her another problem like this.

So, what am I really supposed to write about? I've come to this point, wrote some words, but don't really know what I want to blog about. Maybe in the coming days, after my surgery....