DAMN! Why does everything have to be a lie? Why does everything have to be an illusion?

I grew up with lies, and lived in illlusions. If there's any truth in my existence, I think I have forgotten all those. I'm in my middle age, and still so much bewildered, I wonder if I will have to suffer this way for the years to come.

Am I existing? Am I real? Could anyone tell me the direction to go? Will there be any real person there? I hate cyber! I hate you!