This day after today

Damn tired of waiting for you.
my brain is surging tonight,
how could you be so elusive?

Let me just enjoy this hour,
but i hope you'd be back sooner.
I can't always find happiness in emptiness
please seek me out of the darkness.

You shall visit again after these terrible hours.
and I need not to wait for you,
but don't take too long,
cuz I'm tired of making these poems
I wanna be with you now,
maybe things will be better with you,
please come into existence.
time is slowly ticking away.

Tomorrow is always better than today.

LiZt
03:04 am
11/27/2006

and finally....

Just one funny way of stretching things out.
A bottle of liquor does not make u drunk
nor will a puff of cigarette make any difference tonight.
Will you learn from this darkness?
Will you even see a light after?
I'm begging for a miracle.

Happiness came in inexplicable moments,
Sadness came just when you least expect it.
Walking can't cure the melancholy,
A firefly whispers the pain inside,
sleeping leaf waves to say goodbye.

I never notice my path anymore.

Upuan

Napag-usok ng isang ligaw na katauhan
matamang naghihintay sa pagal na likuran,
makapagbahagi man lang ng marupok na katiwasayan,
sa sulok ng tulalang kaisipan.

Hitit mo ang kahinaan ng aking katawan,
nakikibahagi ka sa malalim na delubyo,
ng emosyon, ng lalim ng gabi,
ng hikbing naimpit sa kulungan ng dormitoryo.

Ikaw na lang ang natirang kapiging,
na sumasalo sa akin sa gitna ng pag-iisip,
teoryang ikaw na lang ang kabahagi,
sa empirikong ikaw na lang ang makakaintindi.

Sa trono mo,ako ang nakapaghahari.
sa lakas mo, sa twina'y kakatwang umaasa.
dahil nananalig ako sa'yo,
dahil sa gabing ito, ikaw'y aking kapiling.
at ikaw ang nagtakda sa aking pagtulog.
gisingin mo ako. Gisingin mo ako.

Joel Espeneda died last October 28, 2006, saturday, 2 pm in Manila.

I don't want this to sound so shocking, but I want all of you to sympathize what i had felt when i received the txt from Vince that "there was a rumor that Joel died". I was in ajeepney almost 30 minutes before I could get home, I just had an overnight swimming party with my schoolmates. And I had to txt everybody whom I knew would know all the facts, and yes, it was true, Joel was gone.


The news that he passed away came to be a horror to me, not just because we had a very close relationship, but because I never expected anyone in my contemporary to die at this very young age. Aside from Mike whom I lost about less than 2 years ago, I don't know much people who have died so young. I had realized at this point how fragile life can be, you never know when you're next in line. It gave me the fear that I may be gone from Earth without even realizing how sweet and sour it is to live. As the text message goes, "a person asked Lord Buddha 'what surprises u most about mankind' Lord Buddha replied, ' they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health. By thinking anxiously about future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor for the future. They live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived..." Sometimes we take our life for granted that we tend to forget the most important thing in life, to be essentially happy.

JOel was a dear classmate, a good friend who would listen to all the angsts one had, a brave comrade, a big brother, a sympathetic counselor. He had been like that to me for almost a decade. He may not have lived his life to the fullest but I knew that if there really is the existence of souls and spirit, he would be happy. He was loved by many, was adored by all his students and friends, and achieved what he had aimed for his family 6 years ago when he got married after our graduation. As for me, I would try to live up to his expectation, that is...to fight and be brave in the midst of turmoil ( that was what he told me during college, he cut out my fears.)

CRAZY SYA

Sometimes I'm breathing,
sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes I smile,
but it usually fades
Sometimes I'm inlove,
but never really tried.

If you are listening,
You listen to my soul.
If you think I'm into you,
then just believe I am.
If you really love me,
Then why these hesitations?
If you want to fool yourself,
Then foolish we will be.


If your feelings died
along with the freshness of the breeze.
then just please tell me when,
I will prepare a salad tonight.
If it seems you can't forget me,
what's the reason to let me go?
If you really want me,
just hold me in your arms.
Maybe we will then be happy,
it's just a matter of facing this.

We don't want this to keep in ourselves forever,
We have felt this same deep feelings,
And we have nurtured this for sometime now.
What then should u fear for?


LiZt