When the rain visits room 206

Sometimes you’d really wonder.
It’s cold. It’s windy.
The place is too serene.
A perfect harmony to keep me sane.
But then all the fears come inside me.

Sometimes I’m happy.
It’s like craving to laugh out so loud.
Until I get tired.
Until I felt all these aches.
Until I come back to painful realities.

I am not completely sad.
‘just emotionally drained.
‘just fucked up with the kind of life I’m dealing with.
But still I am living, that’s really frustrating.

Then I get back to wondering.
Why am I still living?
Do I really have any reason to be alive?
I’m not human, I don’t have the kind of emotion they have.
I cannot live like them.
I’m too selfish, I don’t feel love.
I cannot give it, no way I can.

It’s still raining.
It’s still dark.
God! How I love it.
But the room’s still full of emptiness.
And I’m still looking for something
Something that could stop my longing
Something to keep my emotion running.
Nothing yet for me tonight.
Should I still wait for tomorrow?
Yes, I will.
Goodnight.


9:30pm, August 7, 2007, International House, UPLB