I'm planning to include this in the essay contest sponsored by UP writers' club....i might not win, but atleast there's hope....I need to have additional allowance, wahehe....

Bilanggong Pulitikal

Isang malamig na rehas na nagkubli sa aking paningin,
Isang papudpod na tsinelas na magdadala sa aking kamalayan,
Habang naglalakbay ang isipang ginulantang
Ng sistemang binulok ng matagalang tunggalian.

Ako’y biktima ng kapanahunan.

Sa pasilyo ng malayang taludturan ng aking mga tula
Natagpuan ko ang sariling dagling nalulunod
Sa hagupit ng kapaitan ng tadhanang ako ang nagpasya
Malaya nila ako’ng iginapos sa bisig ng mga kaaway.

Ako’y biktima ng kapanahunan.

Humitit buga ng pulang sigarilyong muling binabalikan
Habang kinakapa sa anino ang matinik na nakaraan
Mula sa kuryusidad ng palalo at makulit na isipan
Hanggang sa pagkamulat sa pagka-agnas ng lipunan.

Ako’y biktima ng kapanahunan.

Ang labas ay aking malabong tinatanaw
Di pa din nababaligtad ang marupok na tatsulok
Ulupong pa ding nakakapamayani ang iilan
Habang hapdi ng sikmura ang nasa papag ng karamihan.

Tayo’y biktima ng kapanahunan.
Subalit panahon na!

Tigas kamaong tinitimpi ang bawat hikbi sa lipunan
Nakabaon ang sumpang magpapalaya sa bayan
Lalaya din ako
Bago pa man pumula sa silangan.

-LIZT

Bewilderment

Just becuz the rain has stopped doesn't mean I'll be ok
The smoke is still unclear that it hurts my eyes
The place is still wrapped in fancy happiness that it kills my mind
And life is still a big confusion I wonder why....

when i can understand myself, then these fuzz shall instantly die.

The sun doesn't shine it hurts my eyes again....contradictions strike me when I'm in the midst of pain....when I can liberate myself from the dead thoughts of nothingness, I hope I will start to live by the day....

after the whole day of reading....

Arggh, headache! spent the whole day reading. uhm, I've accomplished much now, and have learned pretty good theories about the modern and post modern era, but I failed to read news and other literary stuff. I can't let myself be eaten by these theories, I still want to be human, heh. :-P


I feel...oh well, what's the use of wandering thoughts if I can satisfy myself with readings. I am not really sure what direction I am taking, I still at a lost, very much today. I guess I don't really want to be happy cuz I'm happier with not being happy, whatever that means, I hope anyone can understand this.

Next week will be our San Pablo Fiesta, will invite my dorm mate here, and maybe some UP friends, and see old friends in San Pablo to enjoy a night, perhaps on sunday. I wanna be drunk, maybe I could express myself more, maybe I could go back to being an artist. I'm so tired, really. And I'm so unhappy. Tomorrow will be a full pack day again, start the class at 8:30 am, untill 4pm, just an hour and a half rest for lunch, go to some places for our shooting sites for our MTV. This will be good, I will be busy, I don't have to think of too much things tomorrow.

I'm just so goddam tired. Tnx for the little talking-stuff toy I brought in my dorm. I play it whenever I can find time from reading. It says I love you, funny, I'm getting addicted to playing it. Atleast something's telling me it loves me. Sheezzz, what's this?!

zzzzz....

Mike's dropping the course....

wahoooo....I don't know how much more complicated my life would be with this Advanced Communication Theory subject I'm taking this semester. I have just chatted with Mike, my fellow Master of Science classmate. He had BS in my course at UPLB din, but chriss he'll be dropping the subject on monday. My goolay! Oh Lumme! sharkieeeeessssssssssshhhhhhhhh!!!! Oh no, he can do it! I cannot stay in that room for four hours plainly discussing about these theories everyweek, i can accept it if we will be atleast 5 in a class, but we will only be two now, the PhD student ate Patty.

Hwah Hwah Hwahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Oh well, yeah, I admit, I'm kinda enjoying the reading materials naman, actually I'm getting addicted to it na nga eh, but then, sobra naman un, heaven forbid, don't give that curse, I'm being a good girl na naman.....

Hay naku. Taz I'm so crushed pa man din ngaun, too hurt, too hurt, too hurt, and I'm alone in my dorm....ano ba, would anyone talk to me? Eizt, Kari, if napapagtyagaan mo pa'ng magbasa dito, salamat sa txt late at night, sa kwento mo'ng kaengotan ng pamamasyal sa mall of asia, eh nalaman ko pati na amazed ka pala sa fireworks (minsan padalhan kita dyan ng bala ni Bin Laden, unique again!). Nalibang naman ako dun, while doing my assignment, very very few people txt me during late at night, kainis! I hate being nocturnal na tuloy....

hayzzz, I'd try hard not to drop this subject. I'm not a quitter eh! grrr, just to prove lang pala, Pridechickenini! Bahala na gang!

zzzzz..1:43 am na(pati oras, enlababo! ako lang ang nde....talaga naman. wahhhhhh!!!!)

(so much for this tonight. I'd like to share this one school assignment I've just finished. I hope I can do this....)


The marriage of socio-psychological and critical traditions of Robert Craig would give more light into the course of my thesis.

The perpetuation of power has always been the aim of the different classes of society. The people enable this society to turn into something different from the old culture and traditions, hence makes it more progressive and developed. In studying each epoch using the dialectical historical materialism, I can conclude that each argument of the different classes, the rich and the poor, the peasants and land lords, the workers and the capitalists, bring a new world that the people would soon live in. Now, when taking into account all these arguments and progresses, I can see the role of communication in this matter. A class to be powerful needs to communicate with the people of their own class so they can achieve the development that they have been seeking.


Human emotional condition is always intertwined with the condition of the state since it is the people who build and who belong to the state. As according to Majid Tehranian and Andrew Arno, the realization that social theory does not operate outside human relationships and is inevitably part of it is the essence of the communication turn in social science (POLITICAL ECONOMY OF CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION: A Theoretical Preface; by Majid Tehranian and Andrew Arno). In the context of studying culture and politics we cannot avoid but include the branch of psychology as one of the basis of our study.

I would like to study the kind/s of persuasion being used to some people on why they are being encouraged to join the nationalist movements such as Bayan Muna, and other national democratic organizations. In studying the people behind these organizations, I have an assumption that these people have their own psychological needs that they have found in the organization they join in. I believe that it is not just about the personal conviction, the ideological conviction, but the emotional fulfillment that they could get from these organizations. One cannot risk his life just because he believes in something, but he can do that in return with the psychological satisfaction he had been receiving from his comrades, or from the movement. A person is probably persuaded to join an organization in a manner that would ensure his own contentment and happiness, and not actually the interests of the other members of society. So, in this light, one fights not for something he believes in, but he fights because it is his psychological conviction and fulfillment. But each action could bring great changes in our society.

The risk I may encounter here, like what the Orthodox Marxist have regarded the Frankfurt scholars, is to be called a revisionist.

My plan of course work


Now what! It's 11:57 in my 'puter. I think I should really be discussing my future plans here. Well, I've been encountering good readings so far. I have started reading about the history of communication where the book tackles about the combined theories of the three great intellectuals of the 19th century, Marx, Freud, and Darwin.

Reading the book guides me somehow in my plan of course work. I didn't know that there exist such thing as the Frankfurt school where they can combine the theories of the 3 thinkers. Well, yeah, some of Darwin's theory of evolution was used by Marx in explaining the "withering away" of the state, "the survival of the fittest" among the different states in the world. And the most amazing part is how these things can be explained by the psycho analytical theory of Freud, where, uhm, it mentions in some parts of the books that the people (like Marx) are being encouraged to join the Nationalist movements because of the psychological, personal, emotional deprivation of these people. Uhm, well (again, hehe:P) they have some good points here. So, now I have started formulating in my mind the course of my studies. The real problem now is to decide what my cognate course would be.

I think I'm not really gonna enroll to UP Diliman the next sem. I'm not sure yet, it's really exhausting if I will have to live in Diliman for a sem. Imagine the difficulty of transporting all my belongings again to Manila, imagine the food I'm gonna eat again there, imagine my financial constraint too, it will be superbly expensive to take masteral in UPD. But the origin of these stupid thoughts is the thing that I've learned from the UPLB Pol Sci prof (who by the way used to be my prof in my undergrad AB Political Science degree) that last sem there were 22 students who took up the comprehensive exam, and no one passed.... :( I cannot just ignore this, I cannot just waste years in my masteral studies, knowing that in the end, I might not get a degree after all. I'm really scared, I'm not getting any younger, and I also want to finish my LAW study once I get a Masteral degree. If I have the money, I think I can risk more, but I'm not gonna risk this much when I'm this broke now.

hah! so much has to be said, but I feel too frustrated now. By the way, these plans are subject to change. Marriage will be more important, and please don't tell me it's not. Who are u to tell me that I'm gonna break a good future if I will have to marry. oh well, blog again later. till then, bloggie:D

huh! Good morning!

I haven't talked about the changes about my plan of course work here, but it's too early today, and my mind's still pretty occupied with the things that go around my disturbed mind. I'll have a presentation later at 10:00 am, and my first class starts at 8:30 am, my last class will be at 4:00 pm. And we need to get done with our two-column script for our MTV, so that's another thing to eat my schedule.

Krhayzz, why do I have to be too busy today when i need time the most to reflect on my emotion. Yes, I'm hurting, it's too indefinite, and it's too undefined, and I haven't found an answer why I feel this way. I think I just wouldn't admit, I know naman what's so wrong with me, but DAMN, I can't admit it.....I wish I can answer these inquisitions today....

Sakit sa Mata....


Hindi ko sinasadya. Walang pilitan, wala sa plano. Nagkataon lang talaga, siguro nga mausok lang dito, at unti-unting nilalason ang mata ko. Konting kurap lang naman, baka sakaling mapunasan ng alikabok ang salamin ko'ng sumasagka sa aking paningin. Kahit pala isuot ko ang salaming ito ay papasukin pa din ang aking mga mata ng makapal na usok na nanggagaling sa hindi ko matukoy na lugar sa aking katawan.

Gusto ko'ng pag-aralan ang usok. Kung paanong sa nipis nito ay kaya ako'ng bulagin, kaya di ko makita ang liwanag, at di ko maipaliwanag ang dilim. Kung paanong sa isang malupit na buga ng usok ay kayang lunurin ang aking mga mata, sa gitna ng walang hanggang pagtatanong sa aking sarili. Bakit napupuwing ako? Bakit kapag napuwing ay kailangang maglabas ng mainit na likido sa aking mga mata? Bakit di ko mapigil ang agos ng likidong ito? At bakit di ko na lang iniwasan ang papadating na usok gayong kitang kita ko naman ang pagtatagumpay ng apoy sa monitor ko? Huli na tuloy ngaun, napuwing na ako. Lumuluha na ako. Hintayin ko na lang sigurong mamatay ang apoy, o piliting imulat ang aking mga mata kapag natapos na ang hapdi. At marahil sa susunod, matututunan ko'ng lumayo na sa simula pa lang ng pagningas ng isang munting apoy.

siyet!
wag makelam!
basta siyet!
nde ko alam!
siyet! siyet! siyet!